Reclaim

With the cool wind through my hair,
And the heart pumping fast,
Standing atop the Fort,
I felt I could see the blast from the past...

I heard the screams of thousands
Marching ahead with swords and sabres,
To wage an unequal war;
They knew for sure
They would kiss death
But still they fought,
Till their blood soaked the green pasture
And the river Parang turned sanguine...

Standing atop the relic,
I witness the gory sight
And reclaim myself...

I have been there...

Watching the sky reaching trees
Algae green wrapped,
I discovered
I have been there...
For thousands of years...

Far away, the dots of lights
Piercing the misty loneliness,
Remind me how far
I've traveled-
Leaving behind the four walls,
The soft cushions of desire,
The idiot box screaming ad jingles,
The bill boards featuring bubbles,
Bumper to bumper vehicles standing still
On apparently ignorant city streets...

'Can't I stay back?'
I asked aloud.
My question got echoed
Several times before it got drowned
In the dark calmness of the distant hills;

I shook my head
And started walking down
The path being carried by my unwilling legs,
And I knew
There was salt in my eyes
And stone pressing hard on my bosom...

At the door...

A dream for you...

I have been floating on a boat of cloud since last night,

And Methought, the dense, impregnable darkness of the sky

Like the secrets of the knowledge of Time,

Would be revealed to me;

The voice of the Time

Coming to me penetrating the curtain of memories,

Was trembling, spreading all its wings;

With the object of touching it in my dreams,

I sent across my desperate call;

The call of mine went high up to the northern sky,

Till it met its destiny, the Pole Star;

And I tried to invoke the star through the art of magic

Learnt by my lonely heart;

The Pole Star said:

‘The Northern sky is my room,

If I get drifted away,

Who will show the light to the ships?

You go away, and weave songs,

And let those songs come to me by the wings of clouds;’

So, I searched for a speck of white cloud in the sky,

To send my songs to the Star;

But alas! I couldn’t find a bit of cloud, white and pure,

To be my messenger to the Star;

Only the black demonic Nimbus

Came down laughing,

Encircling the periphery of my existence;

Methought, I have no way to unravel the mystery of darkness…

Just then, as if by some providence,

 Removing the rain drenched curtain of the Nimbus

And piercing the bosom of the moist smell,

 Like the deflected truth, the whistle of a train told me-

Leaving behind the riverside life,

 I have almost reached the desert;

And at that particular moment,

An unknown bird, swooping down straight

From the visage of clouds,

Threw to me a heap of sarcasm from her wings

Before she flew away to the meet

The call of the horizon…

And I discovered my all new born poems

 Left grappling for a breathing space

Amidst their prosaic existence,

 Trying to reach out to the Sun,

As if they are trying to know

The history of their origin;

Despite knowing the name of their father,

I just left them afloat on the uncertain waves of my tears,

As I was desperate to save my grace;

And I noticed

The drops of water falling incessantly

From the captive Sun

On weary, dry leaves of my poems,

Left grappling for a space to breathe,

And Methought, they looked blessed…

have i ever?

Hey!
Have I ever thanked you?
No?
Then its the time, I think,
To give back all that you've given me...

All those listless hours of waiting,
All those sleepless beds,
And the stroll down the mist filled path,
And the smell of the gandharaj in bloom,
And the memories of songs bejeweled by your tears,
And the dreams woven on kantha stitch sarees,
And the raindrops pattering on tin roof,
And pieces of paper torn off hastily with a flushed face...

Believe me,
I want to give them all back,
Exactly the way they came to me,
With you,
Without you even!

All I need a big envelope,
A real big one,
Perhaps as big as the milky way...

please,please,please...

'Please, please,please...'
I continued in an apologetic vein,
'you can't do that to me!'

'Why? what I've done to you?'
She asked, blinking;
'You can't be so sincere and devoted,
You can't be so serious,
You can't be so morbid,
You can't be so much weak...'
I said, still feeling half extinguished
As I wanted to talk more...
To breathe more...

'Do you feel that I weakened you?'
She asked,thoughtfully.
'Singularly'
I confessed without any hesitation.

'Let me go then...'
She said, hinging her head down;
'Feeling guilty?'
I asked.
She just smiled.

I could feel her smile
Wrecking me inside,
I thought it was my turn for being guilty...

Answer

You wanted an answer
That would erase all tugs and pulls
Of a swaying heart...
You wanted an answer, precise, pointed;

A needle like thing, I suppose,
An answer, unequivocal, piercing, straight...

And I groped,
For an answer,
Rummaging the bookshelf of my brain,
Turning inside out the cages of my heart...

But I failed;

Then I thought
what about seeking the answer
somewhere else?
So I took a plunge into my Self,
I stood before the mirror
And scrutinized my face, my nose, my limbs
Till I came to look into my own eyes...

And then,
I realized what a fool I have been
To look for an answer, unequivocal,
For a question that had been
the source of all creation
Down the ages...
Down the time immemorial...