single in the city...

Just when the sun hid behind the shopping mall,
He came to the balcony of his tenth floor singular existence in the city...

He looked down to see tiny toy cars moving fast
As if they were thrown down the road of the toy-land by some angry brat;
He kept on looking down the tiny trees, the tiny traffic guard standing like a small robot
Performing some kind of motorised arm movements;

He looked around...
And an eagle swooping down at great speed caught him,
It was coming down quick,
As if a fighter jet losing height...
But soon it gained a level
And after keeping with the level for some time,
It took a upward flight-
'Great job man!'
He cried aloud
As if he was cheering a fighter-pilot
Performing the riskiest manoeuvre;

Hours went by,
And he kept standing on the balcony,
 And images kept coming and receding...
Images varied-
Of female garments hanging loose,
Of sizzling bottles of potion arranged neat,
Of smoke coming out of someone's mouth,
Of psychedelic lights jumbling up shadows,

Evening turned to night...
He still stood still,
The toy cars of the road below became less frequent,
The robotic traffic guard sat down at its kiosk,
 And the moon peeped from behind the cell phone tower...

Images came rushing to him again...
No female garments
But a caressing hand,
No bottle of wine
But a candid smile,
No smoke with brown tinge
But that of an incense stick...
And the light glowed within
And he noticed...
Someone in a white robe and long black hair,
Coming to him, walking unbelievably on the thin air...
Just like a fairy with a wand!

The sea...

He was standing on the beach
Before the endless, lucid sea
And the waves lashing relentlessly on his feet...

Each of the waves receded to create a kind of something slipping away,
Under his feet...
And he felt perhaps he would just sink into the sands of the beach;

The blue waves with greyish white toppings came to him
Almost endlessly, as if he was part of the eternal design of being a witness to their movements...

The sky, being overcast, suited perfectly to the ambiance-
An ambiance of serene melancholy...
Of  a mild but grave murmur of waves...

He thought he did not just happen to be there,
Instead he believed himself to be a part of the whole picture...

And he looked up to the sky,
Trying to find a meaning in the shapes of the clouds,
For once he noticed a simple face of a dragon,
The next he discovered a candyseller with his cart...

He looked on
And on the western front,
Which had a reddish glow,
He saw the face of his beloved,
Red...as if vermillion smeared,
And the darkest streaks resembling her  unruly hair...

He forgot how long he stood there looking up
To his beloved's face in the clouds;
But the rain came,
First in ones and twos...
Then in torrents...

He just stood there,
He just wanted the salt,
He just wished the salt to be rubbed on his freckled skin...

The next moment
He thought,
He was deluged by a sea of tears...

Forsaken

'After living all these months , dear, with you, day in and day out,
I'm leaving...'
He wrote using his favored black pen with pointed tip
On a piece of paper, handmade,
And folded the paper twice-horizontally once,
And vertically next,
And stealthily kept the note under his pillow,
Looking cautiously, for the last time the face of her, calm, ignorant;
And he slipped out of the room, silently,
Knowing well that she would wake up soon,
Not finding him by her side, in her trance;

Outside the dawn was just breaking,
And the milkmen had started cycling up and down the street;
And the pigeons from the ancient attic of the old building across the street,
Had descended on the empty street, in search of grains perhaps...

He walked down the street till he reached the arterial road,
From where he could cast his last glance to the first floor balcony overlooking the pigeon-filled street,
The same balcony which gave birth to his life and poetry,
The same windows from where she could see him arriving or going out,
He looked up till his eyes reached the top of the building...


He couldn't believe what he saw-
For there on the terrace, he saw her standing looking straight to him, from that distance,
Her hair was afloat in the morning breeze;
He squinted his eyes to get a better look of her face, from that distance...
He could not get the better view...he tried nevertheless...
'Was it a smile or a frown?'
He asked himself and kept staring for a while,
Before the blaring horn of a state bus brought him to the ground...

ek purana mausam lauta...

'Ek purana mausam lauta,
Yaadein bhairen purbai thi...'

He hummed while busy packing his backpack
For his mind was far away from his home adopted;
He remembered how the rains kissed him from top to toe
And the naughty wind sent mild shivers down his drenched hair...

He knew that the road, dressed in its best attire-the darkest blue
Was waiting for him, all those years;
He knew he had to leave his home, adopted and shared,
For his mind had asked him to leave the memories bitter and sweet;

'How very cruel!'
She would say,
Seeing him packing up his bag,
And humming Gulzar all the way;
He knew all that-the nuances of cruelty and indifference...
He knew he was not doing anything unjust or wrong,
He was just slipping away, into oblivion...

'But its humiliating for me, isn't it?'
She would say, desperation pronounced all over her body and voice, trembling...
He would not answer,
He would just stare blankly for a while...

'I'm not evicting you...I'm just opting out'
He would say,
And Gulzar would nod, with assertion...

The Artist

'So many people write letters full of love...why can't you?'
She told him one day,
Her voice had that thing which had crossed that thin red line of expectation and fervent wish...

He returned home and thought hard,
Pressed his pen's nib on the paper and tried to write something beautiful,
Something so fascinating that, he wished, it would just remove all her wishes,
Once and forever;

He tried hard,
To become that artist with a magic wand in his hand,
That would make the world colorful,blessed,tranquil, serene...

O how much he tried,
To be that bard...
To be that lyricist...
To be that musician...
To be that painter...
To be that sculptor...

He worked day in and day out,
To present before her the greatest work of art...
He erred,
He slipped,
He fell,
But he had that grit to carry on...

The summer went away and monsoon came,
And the rains went away, and Autumn ushered in,
And came the winter...

He carried on,
Like a perfect artist,
Forgetting one day why he was doing all that...
Forgetting the very purpose of his hard work...
Forgetting that he had been someone's man...

Nailed!

He looked at her tearful eyes
And felt so sorry
That he wished to jump to her feet and ask for forgiveness...

'I never wanted to make you sad...did I?'
He pleaded;
But she just gave him her hard glare, teary eyes, fallen chin, broken heart...

'O Tell me how can I make you happy again?'
He asked, desperate, ruined, stung...

Her lips quivered and she spake:
'Get thou removed from my sight, forever'

He heard the words
And thought to leave her forever...

But how could he?
His feet were nailed there, firmly,
And he couldn't move an inch;

'Let that be your punishment, just!'
She spake
And moved away,
While he remained nailed with love.

You've remained blind...

You remained blind,
As blind a deaf man can be in his dark world,
Devoid of senses...visual or auditory;

So you missed every bit of life-
The way the girl next door was raped by your henchmen,
The way the spooks counted money and filled their sacks,
The way falsities spread taking your name like oath sacred,
The way the sickle lost its shine, and the hammer its glory of toils;

You remained blind, deaf, and stupid,
And tried to build a world for yourself, away from the real,
Like an aged emperor, destined to rule forever;

Now that the winds of change have charged at your doors,
And swept away your all golden treasures and self love,
You appear so pitiless and naked,
Sans everything you thought would outlive the generations...

the bride of spring

You come dressed in red
Like a new bride, flamboyant, coy,dazzling,
Privy to all my secrets,
And I look at you, endlessly,
As if it will take me hundreds of years to understand your beauty so immense;

O you the bride of spring!
You come to stir my mind,
Your face covered by that red veil of blossoms rich,
Your slender body ageless,
Only makes me gape;

You're like the queen young,
Ascending the throne of nature,
Bringing forth all the ages of my whims, dilemmas...
Of love won and lost,
In Springs, autumns, winters...

O you! the bride of spring!
Bring once more,
The cool canopy of your shadows,
Save me from the heat of summer hurrying near...

The storyteller...

She calls me too often
To tell me stories she conceived every day...
She tells me stories of severe ramifications,
Of people she met across the street,
At the bus-stop, at beauty salon,at the eateries,at a public loo,
On occasions equally varied-
Early in the morning, at sunset evenings, at frosty daybreak, on a wet afternoon...

She calls me to tell stories
Every night,
As if she had been part of them ...

And listening to her ramblings,
I believe I'm also there somewhere,
In varied shapes and forms,
I feel all her stories involve me...
I believe I am the book myself!

Mirrors-you and i

You put me in front of a mirror, every time,
Naked, sans ego...
And I discover the workings of my mind and body;

Bodily we meet, like grooves,
Cut to perfection to match;

Mentally we're like two kites  
Flying in the sky, carried by the breeze of the day...

Bodily we entertain each other
Perfect playmates...

Minds of ours float
Like boats downstream...

You put me in front of the mirror,
And I be mirror sometimes...
And we both discover our ways of mind and body...

in slow motion

I saw the drops of rain,
Falling incessantly from the sky as mere tiny wet balls,
And the moment they fall on my face, they burst
Spreading coldness and moisture,
I feel so happy, inside...

I saw the balloons being released one by one,
And they move up and up
Till they become colored dots,
And the curious eyes of my little kid
Follow the dots while I follow his eyes,
And I feel so blessed, inside...

I saw her coming towards me,
Her dupatta aflutter,
And her hair tossing like black foam,
And the smile pasted on her lips, suppressed,
As the world moves by, ignorant;
I feel a sense of belonging, inside...

I saw three friends jumping in the air,
Making them look like the poster-boys of a soft drink ad,
I saw how their legs turn upwards and their heads spin,
I feel so victorious, inside...

There are some rare moments
When I see the world in slow motion,
And I feel so good that I scribble,
Lazily on papers, and almost
On anything I put my itching fingers...

The Racer

He knew exactly how to enact the foreplay...
He knew it by his memories;
So, he moved dodging playfully the forests and the valleys
Of the world known so well like a gritty explorer;

He knew he would never lose his way
As his memories were strong...

So, he sped up and turned and slowed down at each bent
Only to gather speed at the rightest moment-
A practised racer as he,
With a GPS navigator embedded into his memory...

The race was intense, warm, exhilarating,
Full of adrenalin pumping out at every delicate move;

Finally,  he pressed on the brakes,
Seeing the checkered flag being waved;

'you're a game, aren't you?'
She said, when he was about to start the victory lap;

Just then, he thought,
He wasn't a game...
He was just a naive,
For even after several laps,
And trophies,
He finds the race useless!

park street, 24th december,

It was the Christmas eve,
And Park street was  madly crowded...

There were black heads all around,
Screaming with joy, gaily dressed;
Even the policemen looked happy...

The cars whizzed past merrily, 
Blaring car stereos...

The bar doors were flung open every minute to let in and out
Stream of men, women...

The cake shop was choc-a-bloc
With the counters brimming over with demands of chocolates and pastries and truffle...

Just then I noticed,
A woman  in black trousers and grey pullover,
Standing at one corner, a few paces away from the crowd,
Her back was rested on the wall, as she stood,
Her face was bowed a bit,
Smoking nonchalantly,
As if there was nothing to cheer...
As if Christmas would never come!

the goatherd of Timbuktu

As the sun finally went down behind the distant cliff,
He started to walk his weary ways,
He the goatherd...
And the flock of his favorite goats walked and ran
Before him, making shrill cries, homeward bound;

The dust from their feet rose,
Just like a maze,
Enveloping the tiny huts not far away,
Which looked like the refuge sought time and again by people like him...

The goatherd and his goats of varied color patches on their coats,
White, grey, brown, black...

The goatherd walked towards his hut,
At the end of just another day,
But he knows within,
The next day will be a new one;
He knows
The next day will bring him to another desert of Timbuktu...

the purple dream

I looked at the stream
Standing on the bridge,
And the dusk fell
On the water's ledge...

The stream looked velvety
Like a purple cloth
Spread in the wind
As waves flowed;

I looked at the sky,
As if a dream,
Immobile earth
And a lovely stream;

I thought I should,
Stand on the bridge,
And wait for the dusk,
To lay complete siege;

Just then my eyes fell,
On a cottage afar,
And someone standing,
At the door, left ajar;

But how can I leave
The velvety stream?
Even if its unreal,
Just a purple dream...

the little mother

I looked at her curious eyes and curly hair...
'Who are you?'
She asked, looking up to me...

With tattered clothes and blood all over me,
She might have taken me for an evil, I thought...

But her curious blue eyes,
And floral frock...
And innocence...
I just mumbled-
'Don't be afraid ...I'll cause no harm to you'
And I tried to smile, a friendly one,
But my jaws were broken and it pained
Even to flash a smile to a little girl...

She came near,
Probably she felt pity,
Seeing blood oozing from various spots of my body...
'Wanna have a chocolate?'
She stretched her tiny palm
And I at once noticed a violet wrapper of friendship...


'Are you a soldier?'
She asked, seeing blood and the huge back pack;
'No...A traveler...'
I said;

'How come a traveler be bleeding so much?'
She asked, the little girl with blue eyes;
'Cause I have been plundered on my way...'
I said;
'But...are you not strong?'
She said, looking at my young face and vigor still left in eyes;
'Yes I'm...'
I said...

'Take it'
The tiny woman gave me the chocolate,
I put the whole thing into my mouth, starved as I was...

'Want some more?'
The little angel asked...
I don't know what were there in her eyes or her voice...
But I felt, I've found my mother...
I nodded and my eyes became vaporous;

The little girl ran towards her home
Through the cornfields, the meadows, the marshes...
I looked at her two small braids dancing as she ran...
I started to cry...
I thought I found my little mother;

the danseuse

I was sitting at her first floor hall
Beside the big glass window,
In a cloudy evening,
Waiting with the hot coffee mug in my hand,
While she sat before me,
Bottle green saree wrapped around her...

I noticed how her red stone studded earrings swayed
Every time she moved her head
To nod or just to smile...

I looked at her posture,
Sitting like a swan,
Majestic..
 Her eyelashes were long,
Her eyebrows were pruned,
Her hair was braided with some kind of ribbon...

She looked so much homely,
Like those women of yesteryear,
Who spent most of their lives in kitchen
And labour beds,
The rest of their time on either chewing betel leaves,
Or listening to the radio...


Sitting infront of her,
I thought of those women
Of bygone era...
Red sindoor  on their forehead
Dazzling like a sacrosanct mark...

But then,
Suddenly the rains came pouring,
And saw the homely woman removing leaf by leaf her conventionality...

She opened the window
Put her head out,
Closed her eyes...
And the rain fell on her as if to bring out her self
That had been kept confined for ages...

She let herself drenched
While I, shamelessly watched,
The swan turning into a peacock...

Then...
She tucked the aanchal of her saree into her waist,
And removed the ribbon from her hair,
To help the black stream take the fullest fall,
And...
She started tapping her feet on the marble...

The rain turned violent,
The windows rattled,
The long coconut trees swayed...

And she took the centre of the hall,
Her eyes bore the joys of life,
And the cold moist wind moved into the hall like gusts of sea waves,
Spraying little jets of shiver...

She started dancing...
I sat there still,
And watched the peacock in full flow...
The thunder and the lightning
Only gave cadence to her work,
And her whole body glowed
With indescribable energy and light...

She danced while it rained...
And the sacrosanct mark on her forehead,
Took the shape of a tilak...
A long red mark shiny,
As if it proclaimed victory...

The mesmerizing victory of a danseuse

Musafir

'You seem to visit some places quite often...'
She remarked, seeing him standing at her door;
His dusty clothes and thick beard
Bore all the marks of being a Musafir ...

'Yes...its like gravity... they pull you in...'
He said, standing at her door,
Uncombed hair, muddy shoes...

The salty air of the west
Kept running through him
And he looked at her,
Simple in her housecoat,
And blue slippers...
And the long black hair pin peeping from behind her bun...
And a face that looked pleasant and happy...

'Won't you come in?'
She asked,
And he was ushered into the house...

A neat living space with shiny glass wares on the big oak table,
And the carpet on the wooden floor as new as those in the stores,
And the big plasma thing on the wall,
And plenty other signs of well being...

He did not move much,
For he was embarrassed of his wrong shoes, full of dust,
And the crumpled shirt and soul...
He just stood there;

She had gone indoors,
To bring something for him...
It might be the drink for his dry throat,
Or something else...

He thought it was time for him to go away,
The way he arrived like the bolt;
He felt he was not supposed to be there,
In that neat living space with couches tempting;

So, he turned to the door again,
And he would've gone-
Had he not met himself on the photo frame...

A Black-n-white boy in baggy trousers and the smile on his lips,
Standing by the woman ten years younger;
(Who has gone indoors,
To bring something for him...)

He looked around,
Pushed the photoframe into his hip pocket,
And ran out...

He ran and ran
Till he reached the yellow cornfields...

He ran
Till he couldn't see the door...

The paperback writer...

He writes the whole long day,
As if he was born to write,
All that came to him,
The flowers, the trees, the broken heart, the flimsy shadows on the wall...

He writes,
Like the determined clerk on his desk,
Piles of paper strewn across  his bed,
On the floor, on his body, on his mind...
Papers all around,
White, pink, yellow, black...
Papers of different shades and shapes...

He writes,
About memories real-
Of child and women,
Of men and villians,
And the unreal-
Of forbidden treasures
Of Divine temptations...

He writes,
Like a man dispossessed of earthly warmth,
A pen on his hand,
And a mind on flight...

He writes...
The death wish once,
The love story next...

He writes,
Like a man blinded by sombre darkness;
He writes,
Like a man who has just seen the sunrise...

Last night when the Northwester came...

Last night when the Nor'wester came with the petals
Of yellow and red,
I was only thinking of you dear...

I saw you coming to me with the smell of rain soaked earth,
Dressed like the fairy,
With tiny leaves stuck carelessly into your flowing hair black,
And the pollen grains all over your slender body,
Yellow and red...

I saw you walking across the fields green,
-Those play fields of my childhood,
Where many rainbow afternoons we spent,
Under those sprawling trees with dark trunks,
Gazing up to the canvas of the sky
 On which someone painted the riot of colors...

I saw you standing at the gate of the temple by the river,
That temple ground where many evenings we spent lying on the grass,
Smoking happily away our indulgent time;

I saw you bent down on the rails of the jetty that went far into the river,
Your head suspended in the air,
As if you were planning for a jump into the turbulent waters;

I saw you on the Avenue,
Walking past all those little insignificant spots
Of our nocturnal rendezvous;

Last night when the Norwester came with the petals
Of yellow and red,
You came dear,
Like an ethereal lover,
Covered with pollens...

Last night...
The Norwester came,
And you came thereafter...